While my only claim to prize-winning glory was 3rd place in a "Why Your Mom is the Best Mom" contest in 1988, Phillip managed to drink from the holy grail of game show victory: he won a car on The Price is Right. Over the next few months, Phillip spoke in glowing terms of Bob Barker, the Barker Beauties, and the unique fraternity he'd joined by winning "The Big Prize." I grew bored of these conversations, and maybe old Phil sensed that--because he one day stopped talking about game shows and instead started talking about slippers.
Yes. Slippers.
I'd already found the one man who loved game shows more than all of the others, so I was a bit surprised to learn of his passion for evening footwear. More torturous than enduring a verbatim recap of the episode of The Price is Right where a dowdy homebody named Myrna managed to win an RV AND a washer & dryer (a real Middle American coup, I suppose) was an at-length AIM chat about the pros and cons of Isotoner slippers. Longing for the days of Phil's astonishing total recall of specific game show episodes, I gave the boy the social network "kiss of death" and blocked him on Myspace and AIM. Problem solved.
About a year later, I accidentally unblocked a bunch of people on AIM. Phil pinged me right away, almost as if 365+ days hadn't elapsed since our last exchange. What follows is a sad record of what happens when you give a slipper fetishist one more shot:
BigPhil32000 (1:47:43 PM): Hi.
SymptomsofMadrid (1:47:56 PM): hey phil! what's shaking?
BigPhil32000 (1:48:02 PM): Not a lot...you?
SymptomsofMadrid (1:48:54 PM): working working...you know the drilkl
SymptomsofMadrid (1:48:57 PM): drill*
BigPhil32000 (1:49:00 PM): I do
BigPhil32000 (1:49:12 PM): I've been browsing at random stuff
BigPhil32000 (1:50:43 PM): http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&Item=230361540197&Category=63850&_trkparms=algo%3DLVI%26its%3DI%26otn%3D2
SymptomsofMadrid (1:51:14 PM): those are really swanky, man...good price, too
BigPhil32000 (1:51:26 PM): you'd look cool in them
SymptomsofMadrid (1:54:13 PM): I haven't owned slippers in ages! maybe I should get a pair
BigPhil32000 (1:54:52 PM): You think you might wear them with socks or without?
SymptomsofMadrid (1:56:48 PM): I'm thinking without...socks would probably make my feet overheat with the slippers
BigPhil32000 (1:56:59 PM): Smart man
SymptomsofMadrid (1:57:37 PM): Thanks! 10 bucks is a really good price
BigPhil32000 (1:58:02 PM): I wish they'd come back in style
BigPhil32000 (2:01:45 PM): http://i.ebayimg.com/09/!BZCgpLg!mk~$(KGrHgoOKisEjlLl7pG)BKkuECRu8g~~_12.JPG
BigPhil32000 (2:08:33 PM): How about those, Ryan?
SymptomsofMadrid (2:09:26 PM): they're ok. a bit round, though.
BigPhil32000 (2:09:36 PM): Yeah, the first pair I showed you are better
SymptomsofMadrid (2:10:23 PM): much better
BigPhil32000 (2:11:04 PM): do you think you'd like them tight or loose?
SymptomsofMadrid (2:12:10 PM): loose...I mean, who really wants to come home and take off some tightly tied shoes and replace them with another pair of tight footwear
BigPhil32000 (2:12:17 PM): smart move
BigPhil32000 (2:13:26 PM): You seem like the halfway on/off relaxed person
BigPhil32000 (2:14:00 PM): You're watching GSN, and you're playing with the slippers with the bare soles popping out of them.
BigPhil32000 (2:15:28 PM): What if one falls off your foot?
SymptomsofMadrid (2:16:27 PM): I guess you could just put it back on
BigPhil32000 (2:16:50 PM): That'll work
BigPhil32000 (2:17:23 PM): I'd like to have a roommate like you in those
Needless to say, I blocked Phil immediately and took a bath. It's not a bad thing to go with your gut. And if your gut tells you that your being hit on by a guy whose idea of fun would be dressing you up in slippers and probing you with the Bob Barker microphone, you need to heed that instinct. And run.
wow, Price is Right is a show I have wanted to be on for years. I swear next time I go to California I will make the effort to get on the show somehow. That conversation with the dude with slipper fetish was weird. Internet relationships are always a bit weird. I just found a girl recently that use to stalk me alot of myspace, I figure it has been years later, I was thinking of adding her to my facebook but then again...The stalking may begin again, so I thought no.
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