WWJD? WTF?

Ever notice how the unabashedly religious folk like to flaunt their love of deities in the oddest ways? For example, I was being whisked up and down one of Norcal's many nondescript highways the other day, and I happened to notice a slew of bumper stickers containing various odes to Jesus. It's not that Jesus isn't deserving of praise--especially if he's your "guy"--but it would seem an odd tribute to display praise for him on the part of a car most likely to be damaged in a fender bender. Would any significant damage to the Jesus fish sticker be enough to shatter unwavering faith in the almighty? I'm guessing no.

I also find humor in how some baseball players (usually of the Latino variety), in an almost self-deprecating manner, cross themselves after an on-field accomplishment. It's as if they are saying, "My hard work, training, and determination had nothing to do with stealing that base. It was actually the luge-like spirit of Christ that propelled me to base-stealing glory." I can't buy that. Why, then, should crediting God or Jesus or whomever be limited to feats accomplished in the arena of professional athletics? Do these same individuals cross themselves after a completing a particularly difficult level of a video game? Or maybe even after overcoming the tyranny of constipation? Surely, the aforementioned examples of overcoming great obstacles are divine, not personal, accomplishments.

In pondering these many questions is where I usually find myself at loggerheads with Christian doctrine. Way too much hypocrisy and contradictory behavior by the so-called "leaders." The Vatican has openly chastised rappers and other celebrities for decorating themselves with glitzy crucifixes and such. Yet, the Pope lives in an opulent palace that is such a flamboyant display of florid excess, you would be hard pressed to find its connection to a man who was supposedly born in a barn on a bed of hay, garnered a paltry sum as a carpenter, and was left to die on a cross that probably didn't meet his personal standards of quality carpentry.

I know Catholics who will speak ill of the lavish lifestyles and money-getting ploys of "born again" and evangelical sects of Christianity. But is the papal lifestyle, or even that of priests and nuns, really so modest by comparison? I known priests who frequented baseball games and bars, movies and fancy restaurants, and just about any other luxury that probably qualifies as excessive for a member of the Roman Catholic clergy. How's that vow of poverty working out for you, Father?

Of course, who am I to say that Jesus won't fulfill the prophecies heralded by Revelations and one day walk this land again--only maybe he'll return completely blinged out and pissed off that his philosophy was misinterpreted by the modern pontiffs? Or perhaps Jesus will promptly locate this blog and excoriate me for an act of heresy--which would mean that he misinterpreted my philosophy. Oh Jesus.